Empty

It's so difficult to describe the way I'm feeling right now. I've been feeling this way for weeks. The closest thing that comes to mind is empty. It's like there is an invisible parasite sucking the life out of me; the energy, the care, the laughter.

There's no discernible reason as to why I am feeling this way. Like a tropical island fantasy (hammock and palm trees aside) life is warm, breezy, and protected. I have an awesome family and the most beautiful friends. I try to sit back and enjoy life, I really do. But no matter what I do, where I go, who I'm with, I can't seem to shake this feeling of emptiness.

Life is just so absurdly boring at home. I look around at the hollow faces in my posters, watching me with their blank stares; sometimes I swear they are mocking me. I actually go into uni, even on days when I don't have classes, and I sit around in the common room, and pray that someone walks through that door. Good things happen at uni. There are people there that can make me feel better, make me feel alive again. Albeit briefly.

And all of it makes me feel so tired and drained, but I just can't sleep. I toss and turn and sweat. I wake up constantly through the night. I haven't had a good nights sleep in days and days. There's something wrong, something haunting the subliminals of my mind. That I do know. I also know that someday soon the emptiness will go away. Inevitably, someone will burst in that door exorcise me of this horrible feeling, something will happen which will help me find my direction.

It's just waiting for the inevitability which is the hardest part.