Georgia's House

Every day on my way to work, the train races past Georgia's old house. I still recall vividly the high brick walls and the tall white picket fence-gate; I still remember the lifeless fountain and every step up to her front door. Every day on my way to work, I remember the feeling of happiness; real happiness.

For Georgia's house represents everything about my youthful days, when life was so easy and simple. Georgia's house is the bright blue sky and those scorching summer days; the slop of sunscreen on bare back, and the swishing of towels and the passing of the soccer ball. Georgia's house is those warm summer evenings, and the pouring of vodka and the chinking of beer bottles, and the sound of Alex's guitar late into the night. Georgia's house is the sun and the sand, the lizard-preserving swimming pool and the Red Rooster runs, drunken twister and not looking back in anger, the meeting of new friends and the gathering of old ones.

Georgia's house is everything I've come to miss.

Cliffhanger

I miss this, so much...

Monster

You were my conscience, so solid, now you're like water...

It's drowning me. I can feel it taking over. Creeping up on me, lurking under my pillow. A shadow, and a doubt. I joke about it, but I really am so tired and full of pessimism. I just can't help it anymore.

We started drowning, not like we'd sink any farther...

I don't mean to be. I don't want to be. But I feel myself thinking, writing, saying things that I don't mean. It's strange, because I don't feel angry, or sad or anything like that. I feel absolutely fine, normal. And yet, I don't. I can't read. I can't write. I can't sit and watch, either. My mind strays, and the very things that would usually spring to mind aren't there; the humour, how I miss the humour! Replaced by malevolence and sometimes, in fact a lot of the time, blankness.

I let my heart go, it's somewhere down at the bottom...

I can't even hold a proper conversation anymore. Often, the only thing I can muster, the only thing I feel like mustering, are a series of grunts in reply to a question. I've lost all sense of communication, and relation. I'm a million miles away. And I'm tired, so tired! At the beginning of the year I could go out, I wanted to go out, and stay out, dancing, dancing, until day break. It was a waste of a weekend if I didn't. Now, I can barely make it past midnight before I want someone to drag me home and tuck me into my warm bed. I value every second of the weekend I get to spend in the peace and quiet of my room. Lock the door. Draw the curtains closed.

Don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?

I can feel it taking over. I don't think I can fight for much longer. Not long now; not long until I become a monster.

Now that you're gone, the world is ours...

King's Cross

When I was young, my mother told me, even encouraged me not to read Harry Potter. She believed it was just another bourgeois fad; a profit-minded franchise designed to dry out the piggy banks of children and their parents everywhere. She believed that it would not be any value to our generation, and our society. She was wrong...

The most important thing about Harry Potter to me, is its ability to bring people together; to unite an entire generation under the red and gold of the Gryffindor banner. This was on display for all to see last Tuesday night, when I was lucky enough to see the premier of The Deathly Hallows, part 2, at Carousel. There were wizards, witches, Death Eaters and Dementors, and even Albus Dumbledore himself made an appearance! I really believe that Harry Potter has turned societal stereotypes on their heads; no longer is it considered uncool to be fully clad in wizards robes, and to be wearing a pair of thick round glasses upon your nose. In fact, I think there is a certain amount of respect for Harry Potter fans going around now, and envy by those who missed out on all the fun.

Harry Potter is not just a story about a little boy with a lightning shaped scar and a magic wand. It is an epic tale about courage, friendship and sacrifice. About light and dark, good and evil, and about destiny. And most importanly, it's a tale about love. If I have learned one thing from Harry Potter, it's to never, ever forsake those closest to me; to trust them, to listen to them, love them, and to never take their love for granted...

And if I do this, then I will always have something to live for; to fight for. And when I finally make it to King's Cross Station, be it tomorrow or in 80 years time, I can board one of the trains knowing that I have done all that I possibly could have done to respect the life that was so kindly given to me.

"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home" - J.K. Rowling.

Because You Left

You know, it's amazing what can happen in a year. It's amazing how significantly things can change. At this time last year, almost a year to the day, I had reached what was probably the lowest point in my life. I still remember, vividly, what it felt like; how much it hurt, and how caught up in it I was. I still remember crying...

It was around that time when I posted "Life's Bluff". July 25th, 2010. The post was a huge emotional spiel indicative of how I was feeling at the time. In it, I said that if I could go back in time to that moment, which I thought was the point in time when everything in my life, everything I had worked so hard for, was taken away from me, that I would change it. I would've told my past-self to act differently...

But you know, the funny thing is, looking back on it now, I would most definitely not go back in time and change what happened that night. You see, the universe has a funny way of "course correcting"... Often, in the moments when you feel the most hurt, when you feel like you've been betrayed, and heartbroken, and shoved off track, you've actually been given a slight nudge into the right direction for the future. Obviously you wont see it at that moment, but in time you'll realise that it was meant to be that way, all along.

I could've named this post many things, like "Course Correction" or "The Right Direction" or "A Year On". But I decided to name it "Because You Left". Because, on that cold night in June of last year, when you left with him out that door, you pushed me into my future. I just didn't know it yet.

The Great Puzzle

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is: 'Who in the world am I?'. Ah, now that's the great puzzle!" - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (Lewis Carroll)

When you're out there, way out there, you begin to learn a thing or two about yourself. As the galaxies shine with so much depth, you realise that there is nothing standing between you and the stars. You start to question whether you really deserve to be the man who stares back at you in the rippled reflections of the flowing river.

Dolly

Oh, what I wouldn't give to be lying in a tent at Dolly! With the coconut fronds rustling in the sea breeze, the waves roaring like lions as they crash over the reef, the pat-pat-pat of rain falling gently on the flysheet...